Theme
8:51am July 24, 2014

My visit to get screened for cancer:

  • Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
  • Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
  • Nurse: "So he's your...."
  • Me: "Friend."
  • Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
  • Me: "11."
  • Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
  • Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
  • Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
  • Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
  • Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
  • Me: "Uh. 0."
  • Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
  • Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
  • Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
  • Me: "With homosexuality."
  • Nurse:
  • Me:
  • Nurse:
  • Me: "I fuck girls."
7:40am July 24, 2014

conorayne:

josiephone:

alwaysactually:

lusilly:

some muggleborn like “i want to be an astronaut when i grow up!”

wizard kids like “wtf is an astronaut”

"oh you know…the people who go to the moon"

implying that magical children would know literally nothing outside of the wizarding worldimage



image

7:37am July 24, 2014

“LOOK AT THE CAT”

— me every time there is a cat regardless of the situation (via spockular)
7:37am July 24, 2014

rolandalfred2nd:

I hope the son sees this when he gets older

4:30am July 24, 2014
jvgsjeff:

Is that an offer? Why don’t you come over for dinner?

jvgsjeff:

Is that an offer? Why don’t you come over for dinner?

4:30am July 24, 2014

eidak:

the sound of teenage girls laughing near you when you’re by yourself is literally the most terrifying thing a person can experience

4:10am July 24, 2014
  • 9pm: "I'm going to bed now."
  • 10pm: "I'm going to bed now."
  • 11pm: "I'm going to bed now."
  • 12am: "I'm going to bed now."
  • 1am: "I'm going to bed now."
  • 2am: "I'm going to bed now."
  • 3am: "FUCK."
  • 4am: "FUCK."
  • 5am: "OKAY."
4:09am July 24, 2014

visenyatargaryyen:

laughtercues:

kingjohnkat:

redphonebox:

just so we’re clear, i use

dude

bro

man

gurl

babe

bby

loser

as gender-neutral and affectionate names

don’t forget son

What am I forgetting dad

image

You have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me.

4:09am July 24, 2014

manicengineer:

a brief summary of clavicus vile 

4:01am July 24, 2014

whatfulllipsyouhave:

hatsumiyo-momichi:

when you receive a sweet anon out of nowhere and you’re like

image

I love this because you can’t tell who’s the anon and who’s the receiver.